Ten Reasons Why Pickles Suck
10. They are usually served cold.
9. They are green.
8. They are preserved in vinegar, which tastes like the rot of death to me. (I don’t eat a lot of salad dressings, either, for this reason.)
7. They are bumpy.
6. They often hide in hamburgers and are difficult to remove until you’ve accidentally bitten into one (unlike, say, tomato slices).
5. "Pickle jokes" which are never funny.
4. Unfortunate phallic imagery/symbolism.
3. They have been used to completely ruin potato salad for generations, and they have no business being in there. Same with celery, which tastes OK but is really just used as a way to add bulk to a dish.
2. Pickle relish is one of those foods that is disgusting enough that you have to say to yourself "who was the person who was insane enough to try to eat this for the first time in history?" Sort of like oysters and beer.
1. Made from cucumbers, which aren’t really that great prior to the pickling.
More pickles for meeeee!
Okay, Mr. Negative. Remind me not to take you to a baseball game. I wouldn’t want you to flip out when I return from the food lines with a hot dog piled high with relish. :P
Methinks the gentleman doth protest TOO much :-)
Pick up some Mediterranean cucumbers for a slice of heaven. They’re smaller, not bumpy and gnarly like the ones you typically see in the US, and they’re delicious. You can eat them as fruit (common in middle east). And pickles made from them are excellent, and not made in vinegar.
You just need some culture my friend ;-)
First Google, now pickles… when will the controversy end Jeffrey?
Don’t get me started on melons and cooked fruit.
Pickles make me salivate. The mere mention of pickles makes me salivate. The sight or scent or idea of a pickle sets my mouth gushing.
And that is a good thing, right there.
What a lame list… I can’t believe I wasted my time reading this.
How DARE you insult the wonderfulness of pickles?!?!? They’re is no party without pickles. You are a disgrace to the pickled race.
We are the pickled ones. Long live pickles!!!
Dear Sir,
Why did you write a list about why you hate pickles? prudice and Herman are our best friends. We live in a pickle jar, and for your big fat information, not ALL pickles are bumpy. In fact, this morning we ate a pickle that was as smooth as a baby’s pattootie! One day we will take over the world, and name our capital city “Dillville”! So goodbye and good ridance!
From,
Jeffrey, Googenheim, and Arcemides